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Submitted on
July 21, 2011
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394
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i will never die again
i will never cry again
these eyes shall shed no more tears
this heart shall harbour no more fears
this body will breathe no more
this soul shall bleed no more
as i slowly turn to dust
and all of my entrail begin to rust
i realize what a bitter sweet joy life really is
a darker poem
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:iconingdianita:
I think this poem is very beautiful and very meaningful because you are in the army and yet people can relate to it that's why i gave the vision 5 :star:
It is very sad and dark talking about death and dying but you didn't relied on those words, besides the first line wich is the hook, the one thats surprises the reader and make them want to read more. I find very clever the choice of words and how you picked the tittle, that's why i gave the technique and originality 5 :star:
I love especially the end, how you embrace that final moment, that feeling that it is gonna happen to all of us eventually. It gave me chills! so impact received 5 :star:
Btw sorry for my terrible english, i have never written a critique before
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:iconpiercingemeralds2:
piercingemeralds2 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
Great work! I like the way it flows and the emotion behind it. :)
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:iconkaiyiru:
Kaiyiru Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011
This poem has so much passion...

I'll be looking forward to your future poems. :)
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:iconwaywardkitsune:
waywardkitsune Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is just....wow. Amazing, and one of the better poems that i've ever read. :) great work!
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:iconmughin:
Mughin Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
really?
why thank you
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:iconwaywardkitsune:
waywardkitsune Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
you're very much welcome sir. ^_^
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:iconmughin:
Mughin Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
check out my other poetry and let me know what you think
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:iconwaywardkitsune:
waywardkitsune Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I will definently be sure to do that. :)

Thanks for the points by the way.It was very generous of you. My commissions are currently closed, but i will make sure to draw you something as a proper thank you in the future.
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:iconcunri:
Cunri Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
you have me speechless! it's so dark but still it's so real. I don't know what to say other than that you are a very good poem writer :heart:
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:iconmughin:
Mughin Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
you think i am a good poet?
i hope i am... i always wanted to be a bard.... in the oldest sense of the word, a silvertongue, a talespinner a weaver of dreams and emotions.... hopefully one day i can reach that aspiration
Reply
:iconmughin:
Mughin Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
you think i am a good poet?
i hope i am... i always wanted to be a bard.... in the oldest sense of the word, a silvertongue, a talespinner a weaver of dreams and emotions.... hopefully one day i can reach that aspiration
Reply
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